“How about this one?”
“It looks really great on you.”
“And this one?”
“It looks really great on you.”
“…Hey.”
“It looks really grea—oops.”
Whack!
“Ow!”
“Are you even looking properly? Do you think I brought you here just to hear half-hearted answers like that?”
“Wasn’t it your mistake to bring someone like me here in the first place, young lady?”
“Why you—!”
Whack!
“Ow! Stop kicking my shins already! Do you think I’m some kind of punching bag?!”
“Well, if you just gave proper feedback from the start, I wouldn’t have to hit you, would I?”
Our lady must be dreaming of winning the World Cup or something, because she took every chance to kick my shins like they were soccer balls.
I was using aura to protect myself so they wouldn’t break, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
She had been trying on clothes for over three hours. What guy wouldn’t start giving the same reactions at some point?
“I’m going to change into something else and come back, so make sure you evaluate it properly this time!”
“Yes, yes…”
How did things end up like this?
To understand that, we need to rewind time a bit.
***
A peaceful Saturday morning.
After sleeping in until the sun was high in the sky, I finally got out of bed and welcomed the start of a relaxing weekend with my whole being.
“Fwaaah… It’s been a while since I’ve been able to sleep without a care in the world. Tomorrow’s date operation is bound to be exhausting, so I should spend all day today catching up on sleep.”
Since an important practical exam had just ended, there weren’t any major assignments, and there was no one in particular who would come looking for me, I had decided to enjoy a worry-free, peaceful day of deep sleep.
For reference, Pollo had been absolutely excited when I suggested going to the Flower Festival.
The place we came from was such a backwater that the only kind of festival we ever had was the harvest festival during harvest season, maybe?
Even that was just a few villagers gathering to eat meat and dance a little before calling it a day, so this kind of large-scale event in the capital was a first for him, and his eyes were already sparkling with excitement.
The fact that I had to lie to such an eager guy and sell him out to the noble lady did weigh on my conscience a little, but in the end, he’d get to go on a date with a pretty girl, and I’d get to repay (forcefully) the debt I owed to the noble lady.
I comforted myself by thinking of it as a win-win operation.
Having already completed the detailed plan for the date, I was about to eat lunch and take a long nap when—
Knock knock
The sound that refused to leave me in peace for even a moment instantly drove away all traces of sleep.
“…Who is it?”
I wondered if maybe Pollo had come to visit since it was the weekend, and opened the door, but standing there was—
“…Seriously, who are you?”
A woman I had never seen before in my life.
How should I describe her?
She had a cute, squirrel-like face and wore an outfit typical of a maid, so it was easy to guess that she was someone’s servant.
“Are you Mars Noctus?”
“…Yes… and you are?”
“I bring a message from Lady Selene.”
Why was it that ominous feelings never turned out to be wrong?
From the very start of the weekend, the noble lady’s summons tormented me, so I hastily pretended to be sick.
“Cough! Cough! Ah, as you can see, I’m—cough!—not feeling well… I might pass it on to the young lady, so visiting her would be unwise—”
“This is fever medicine. And if necessary, we can especially summon the lady’s personal doctor.”
“Uh… I suddenly have a stomachache and need to rush to the bathroom—”
“We also have medicine that works well for abdominal pain. If it’s the bathroom you need, we’ll wait as long as necessary.”
What the hell? What is this, a blue robot cat? Why are you carrying all that stuff around?
“Haah… Fine. Let’s go.”
In the end, I surrendered and followed the maid, soon finding myself face to face with the noble lady, who was calmly sipping tea in her room.
“You came quicker than I expected. I thought you’d stall for time with excuses about being sick or having a stomachache.”
“Did you install a CCTV in my room or something?”
How did she know? That’s seriously creepy.
“CC…? I don’t know what that is, but it’s obvious even without seeing. You probably wanted to sleep in because it’s the weekend, and since you didn’t want your personal time interrupted, you were scheming not to come any way you could.”
“If you knew, wouldn’t it have been nice to be a little considerate?”
“Why would I care?”
Right… not like it’s the noble lady’s job to care. Yeah…
“Anyway, why did you call me? If it’s nothing important, I’m just going to leave.”
“As if I’d call you over something trivial. I know better than to waste time too.”
What the… why did that somehow rub me the wrong way?
“The reason I called you is none other than this.”
When the noble lady gestured with her hand, the maid standing beside her approached, carrying something.
“A dress?”
What hung from the maid’s hands was a woman’s dress.
Although I knew nothing about dresses, even just a glance was enough to tell how high-quality it was.
“Uh… I’m not really into cross-dressing, though?”
“You crazy bastard, what are you even talking about… I’m the one who’s going to wear it. I want you to pick the one that looks best from a man’s perspective. I mean the one I should wear tomorrow. And for the record, I couldn’t care less about your cross-dressing. I’d be more worried about throwing up.”
She wasn’t wrong, but her words still rubbed me the wrong way. Didn’t she know that cross-dressing was something only a man could do? So shouldn’t it be the manliest act there is?
“I’m going to try them on one by one, so tell me which one you think Pollo would like best. I’ll show you the accessories too, so pay attention.”
“Yeeees…”
With that, the noble lady went to change, leaving me behind in the room, dazed and stuck waiting endlessly for her return.
…Should I run?
I even considered making a run for it, but as if she had anticipated that, another maid was stationed by the door, instantly crushing my escape plan before it could even begin.
The maid stood as firmly as the guardian of the Zhang Clan’s mountain stronghold. Her stance looked impenetrable like not even the drill from Gurren Lagann could get through.
In the end, I gave up on fleeing and had no choice but to wait until the noble lady returned in her dress.
“Alright, here’s the first outfit. What do you think?”
About ten minutes passed before the side door finally opened and the noble lady made her appearance.
She’s definitely pretty.
The noble lady wore a teal dress. The fresh, vibrant teal dress was perfect for the vibrant spring season. It revealed her arms and legs, giving a sense of brightness and refreshing charm.
It matched her brown hair naturally, and above all, the tiny floral patterns along the hem of the skirt made her look even more lively and bright.
“Oh…”
“Oh?”
“The dress really brings you to life.”
“……”
The noble lady silently conjured a flame in her hand.
“The teal dress matches the weather and adds a touch of brightness. Though it reveals your arms and legs, the length isn’t too short, so it gives off more of a refreshing vibe rather than looking too flashy. However, with a dress like this, I’d suggest braiding your hair or putting it up to naturally show off your neckline!”
Nod, nod.
The noble lady, seeming satisfied with my detailed explanation, nodded and went back to try on the next outfit.
And so, for the next three hours, I was stuck in the room, forced to watch the noble lady’s personal fashion show.
“How much longer is this fashion show going to go on…? I just want to go home…”
“Just a little more. Why are men so impatient?”
Bold words. Something that would’ve sparked a gender discrimination controversy in my past life. Be thankful this is a fantasy world.
“The truth is, you’re such a beauty that anything you wear looks good on you. And I think you keep picking bright, eye-catching colors because you’re self-conscious about your sharp-looking eyes, but that’s actually your charm.”
“…What?”
“Some might think your eyes make you look a bit cold because they slant upward, but when you smile, they make your smile even more beautiful. And because you have a slender figure, clothes hang perfectly on you, like a model. So please don’t worry too much about the outfits, and smile more often. Honestly, I don’t really know much about fashion… It’s just that every dress looks great on you, and you’re so beautiful that I can’t pick just one that stands out.”
“………….”
Whack!
“Ow! Seriously! I told you to stop kicking my shins! And that was honest advice! Is this really how you respond?!”
“…Get out.”
“…Huh?”
“I said get out, it’s over!!”
Overwhelmed by the noble lady’s sudden burst of anger, I was unceremoniously kicked out of her room.
“What the heck…”
They say a woman’s heart is like a reed… and now I believe it.
In the end, I couldn’t even argue back and returned to my room, grumbling over the hours I had wasted because of the noble lady.
A date tomorrow… would it go well?
I was worried about the lady’s temper, especially after she had suddenly gotten angry at the end, but I forced myself to think it would all go smoothly and reviewed the plan for tomorrow’s date one more time.
***
“We’ve obtained information that the second daughter of House Eus will be going out this weekend for the festival.”
“Well, isn’t that perfect? With the academy’s security tightening, I’d been wondering how to extract her… and now they’ve gone and handed me such a fine opportunity.”
The man laughed with delight, clearly pleased by the report brought by his subordinate.
He was a man who found joy in the fact that something—or rather, someone—had finally stirred his interest and brought him entertainment, much like Behemoth had before.
“Hmm… but what’s her reason for attending the festival? As far as I know, she’s never been one to involve herself in such things.”
“Ah. I heard a rumor that the noble lady has someone she’s in love with and that she’s going to the festival for a private date with him.”
“A date, huh… Such an innocent and youthful time. Kuku…”
The man smiled as if he were watching the charming antics of children. He had an amused, almost fond expression on his face.
“But we can’t let our guard down. Someone of her position is bound to have at least a few secret bodyguards with her.”
“Shall we kill them?”
“There’s no need for that. At the very least, they’ll be elite knights of a duchy. If we go up against them, the losses will be too great. We win through cunning and trickery, not by going head-to-head with muscle-brained types. There’s nothing to gain from that.”
He had insulted both himself and the members of his organization by calling them cunning and sly, but his subordinate didn’t bother to argue.
After all, strictly speaking, he wasn’t wrong.
“So let’s do things our way. He hasn’t been discovered yet, right?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Good, excellent. Everything’s falling into place.”
The man smirked at how smoothly the plan was progressing.
“Oh, right. Let’s delay the kidnapping a little beyond the scheduled time. After all, our noble lady should get to enjoy her final date to the fullest. Kuku.”
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