(TN: This might be confusing for some. Here the story goas back a bit before Mars talked to the noble lady about his fake lover status with the princess.)
***
The very beginning was the princess’s visit.
After my club activities had ended, I was on my way out of the dormitory to attend school when I was greeted by the princess, who was somehow sparkling brightly.
“You’re only heading to school now? I waited twenty minutes just for you.”
“Uh… Why are you here, Princess?”
Seeing a beautiful woman early in the morning wasn’t as pleasant an experience as one might think.
The people around us probably enjoyed it. Being able to cleanse their eyes with her lovely looks, even without washing their faces. But having to stick close to such a beauty in real time was absolute torture for me.
With a bright smile, the princess suddenly rushed toward me and threw herself into my arm, clinging tightly to it.
The normally strict and serious princess showing affection to someone as unremarkable as me must have been shocking, because the male students around us stood frozen with their mouths wide open. And I too was gaping to the limit.
Had this been a cartoon, my eyes and tongue would’ve been popping out at that moment. While I stood there flustered, the princess who was glued to me whispered in my ear.
“Why are you so surprised? I clearly told you we’d be putting on a fake lover act, and didn’t you agree to take part in it?”
“Well, still, there should be some boundaries! I thought we’d just act a little friendly on campus!”
The academy was half a closed environment, so rumors spread incredibly fast.
If the princess smiled with her eyes every time she saw me, approached subtly, and acted kindly, then those vague suspicions would’ve turned into firm beliefs and spread far and wide.
That strange sense of distance that hovered between “Are they or aren’t they?” would have sparked the rumors.
And those rumors would inflate on their own inside people’s heads, giving rise to all sorts of wild speculation.
Once the gossip ballooned out of control, it would eventually reach the emperor’s ears, and I’d be dragged to the imperial palace as the traitor who seduced the princess.
There, the emperor would order the princess to break things off with a mere baron’s son like me, and the princess would fiercely insist that she’d rather marry me than be wed to the first prince of Cretia.
After a heated argument, the matter would end with her making a vow to call off her romance with me in exchange for canceling the marriage to prince Cretia.
However, if things skipped all those stages and jumped straight to the “What the hell is this?!” moment, I’d be the one taking the heat.
Socially and physically, my chances of surviving such a scenario would be less than fifteen percent.
“To wait for one’s husband is the virtue of a partner. Even if this is a fake relationship, I have no intention of taking it lightly!”
The princess somehow looked like she was enjoying herself.
Though she had experienced all sorts of activities, it seemed she’d never actually been in a romantic relationship with a man before, and she appeared surprisingly excited.
Because of her ambiguous position, she likely hadn’t even dared to dream of love, and now, the one love she’d finally found was on the brink of being ruined by the emperor’s schemes.
Was she perhaps feeling a sense of liberation in getting to experience a special relationship like this, one she never had, after surviving so long without relying on anyone and enduring everything solely through her own strength?
In the end, that day, I ended up walking to school arm in arm with the princess, letting the students witness our cozy morning scene. During class, it felt like my stomach was twisting into knots from the way both the students and even the professors kept sneaking glances at me.
And to make matters worse, there was another reason I couldn’t even turn my head during the lecture.
“……”
“……”
It was none other than the noble lady who was glaring silently at me the entire time.
As my eyes met those of the noble lady, who was glaring at me with a dirty look like some sort of detective rabbit, I felt it would be hard to explain anything. So I spent the entire morning staring straight at the professor conducting the lecture.
“Your class just ended as well, didn’t it? I was just about to have lunch myself. Would you care to join me?”
The noble lady had intended to seize the lunch break as an opportunity to run over and question me about the whole situation, but her plan was swiftly thwarted by the timely appearance of the princess.
Before I could even think to refuse, I was dragged away by the princess and taken to the cafeteria. When she told me to sit down without even placing an order, I had no choice but to awkwardly settle into an empty seat.
“Um… Your Highness? If we’re going to eat, shouldn’t we first go over to—”
“There’s no need for that. I’ve had our meal specially prepared.”
With that, she gave a signal, and before I even realized it, her exclusive headmaid appeared, standing there with a large basket in hand.
From inside the basket, the maid took out a cute yet elegant lunch box, placed it gently in front of the princess, and then rather curtly set one down in front of me.
As one of the princess’s closest attendants, she must have been informed of the situation. But judging by the look on her face, the idea of her lady being in a romantic relationship with someone like me clearly didn’t sit well with her.
“I made this myself so we could eat together.”
“…This?”
The food looked like something you’d only see in a luxury restaurant. It was elaborate and beautiful.
It was hard to believe that the princess had prepared all of this herself, but since the food hadn’t done anything wrong, I figured I might as well enjoy it now that things had turned out this way.
I had worried, just for a moment, that she might have the classic “can’t cook” trait common to many heroines, but thankfully, her cooking matched her appearance. It was visually elegant and wonderfully delicious.
It had been unexpected, but the princess’s handmade lunch box turned out to be incredibly delicious, and I ate until I was full—
“Happy now? Feels good to be fed by a pretty girl, huh?!”
“Well… it actually tasted better than I expected…”
“Haah… what an idiot…”
That evening, on my way back to the dorm, I got caught by the noble lady and ended up getting an earful.
I ate food and got yelled at. Since I got a good mix, maybe I’d live a long, healthy life.
As the noble lady scolded me, demanding to know what was so great about the princess’s embrace without even knowing the full story, I ended up secretly telling her the truth. After thinking it over for a moment, she readily agreed to help me, having understood my situation.
Grateful for her backup, I offered a prayer of thanks to the gods for the first time since reincarnation.
***
God was dead.
A goddess was also a god.
Therefore, the goddess was dead.
“What kind of blasphemy is that?!”
The religious fanatic beside me shouted in outrage, but nothing she said reached my ears.
Unable to watch the princess and the noble lady continue their battle of nerves, which was turning into something straight out of a live UFC match, I hurriedly took refuge in the prayer room.
Inside was the saintess who was deep in prayer, but it wasn’t like I’d wandered into somewhere forbidden. I figured I could just quietly hide out for a while.
“I’ve heard the rumors. As if winning the hearts of two women wasn’t enough, you ran away? Honestly, the comparison between you and ‘someone else’ is just too stark.”
Shut it, woman. And you’re comparing me to the wrong person.
I’d rather be me than that guy who didn’t even notice three women were into him.
“Haah… I just don’t get it. The noble lady, fine….but even the princess… What on earth do they see in someone like you …?”
Though the princess and I were in a fake relationship, the noble lady’s reaction was unexpected.
When I told her about our contract relationship yesterday, I thought she’d mediate the group trying to harass me. But instead, she suddenly appeared and declared in front of everyone that she would take me with her.
– This man is someone I had already set my sights on. I saw potential in his swordsmanship and was planning to bring him in as a knight under our house. And now you’re trying to snatch him away?
Oh. That was a pretty good excuse.
While I hadn’t revealed it, I did have a talent for swordsmanship, and her claim that she had been keeping an eye on me was a perfect performance. She made an indignant protest from someone about to lose a future talent.
…It was just acting, right?
– Hooh? To think my future husband had such talent. I find myself falling for him even more.
– I don’t know why someone of your status would cling to a man like this, Your Highness. But if you’re trying to blackmail him or something, that’s enough. It doesn’t even seem like your feelings are genuine in the first place…
– …You’re being so firm, young lady, that I’m getting even more curious about what kind of man he is. And besides, does a woman need a reason to like a man?
– People should be with those who match them. Like how a heron and a sparrow can’t be a pair, it’s better to be realistic. Someone of your status, Princess, could marry into a duke’s family or even be welcomed by another country. Don’t you think it’s such a waste?
I clearly saw the princess clenching her teeth at that moment.
It must’ve been an instinctive reaction to a topic she already hated.
Then, when the noble lady tried to take my hand and lead me away, the princess swiftly slapped her hand aside and began to threaten her with an uncharacteristically menacing expression on her face.
– What do you think you’re doing? Are you trying to challenge the authority of the imperial princess?
– Oh my~ I don’t know what you mean~ But isn’t a play more entertaining when it has a cast full of skilled actors?
– Seems the shock of being kidnapped hit you harder than I thought. If you’re confusing your opponent like this…
– Maybe because I’ve tasted real fear, your little display of pressure doesn’t feel all that intimidating~ Where’s that meowing coming from—did a kitten get lost~?
In the end, overwhelmed by the tension between the two, I used the commotion as cover and quietly slipped away, deciding to take refuge for a while here, a place where no one was likely to come.
“Could it be that you’re… an illegitimate child hidden away by another kingdom… or something like that?”
The implication behind the saintess’s words could be interpreted as something along the lines of, “You, who don’t even have the experience to look a woman like that in the eye, let alone approach her…. how are you so popular?”
I shot the saintess a glare in response, but she feigned ignorance, closed her eyes, and shifted her gaze as if lost in prayer.
“There you are! I was just about to go shopping for the latest dress collection. How about you come along as my escort?”
“So this is where you were! Would you care to join me for a date at that famous dessert shop?”
In that instant, the princess and the noble lady burst through the door.
What the hell?! I was sure I’d come here without anyone noticing!
I glanced around to identify the culprit and saw a familiar communication crystal glimmering in the saintess’s hand. The same saintess who had pretended to be deep in prayer.
That damned saintess!
In the end, I was dragged off by the two women once again, and had to accompany them from one place to another until I was finally released late into the night.
***
It had been several days since I found myself sandwiched between the two women, drawing the envy and jealousy of countless students.
Just as I was physically and mentally worn down to my limits, the heavens decided to deliver one hell of a surprise.
“Mars Noctus. Come with me. His Majesty summons you.”
Ha… son of a bit*h.
So it was finally happening.
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